So, let’s start here. Frankly, I’m not a real fan of the institution of marriage. And trust me, it’s not for lack of trying. I rode in that rodeo twice. Needless to say it has left me feeling…oh…skeptical is a polite word here, about the entire arrangement. So skeptical as a matter of fact, that the next time I even get the urge to get married, I’m just going to go out and find some crazy bitch I don’t like and buy her a new house. Let’s just cut to the chase and get to the inevitable bottom-line. I don’t have time any more to dance to the tune the band plays before I (inevitably) get to that point in time. My experiences with “it” (marriage) have also forced me to commit to only dating suicidal women. So, when it’s over…it’s over, no room for second guessing the break-up, or reconsidering going back.
Here’s my theory; I believe that humans as animals are not naturally monogamous. I believe that polygamy is really how we prefer to live our lives. Say what you like about the Shemps of the Three Stooges of religion (the Mormons), but on that count, I think they got it right. If you doubt me, look at the divorce rates and the cheater stats for marriages, not only here, but everywhere. Let’s just admit that we really need to be fucking more than one person at a time and get over it. Plus, even if you look-up the word “monogamy” in Roget’s, a synonym is “monotony”. Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah, religious-what-the-fucks, point to other animals that are monogamous…the swans, the geese, etc. My argument is that you can’t point to an animal that has a brain any larger than one chewed Chicklet, that’s monogamous…and that includes the religious-types that believe it. And frankly, I don’t care what religion says (other than the Mormon’s) about monogamy. That’s why they’re religion and not science. So, with all that said, it leaves me with my (first) stupid #100; People who marry the same person more than once.
I have a friend, and to protect his identity because he may be reading I’ll just simply call, “Dumb Fuck” (you know who you are). “Dumb Fuck” has married and divorced the same woman three times. My first gut reaction as a skeptic of marriage is; Are you fucking kidding me? I had fun with it because I was able to remember what I had given them as a wedding gift the first time, and bought them the same shitty Wal-Mart toaster both other times, but I digress. What in the world would possess someone to do this, other than just outright insanity? To me, that’s like going to the fridge and noticing mold on the Chinese take-out you’ve been saving for a special occasion and going, “Oh shit, that’s rotten. Maybe if I put it back in the fridge and come back to it in a couple of years, it’ll be okay”. Why would you propose to Lorena Bobbitt a second time? I just can’t figure it out as anything but fucking stupid.
So with that all said…I’ll turn it over to any readers who would like to comment, disagree, digress, share similar experiences they’ve had with their own friends, or even themselves. But please tell me how in any universe, this happens…please?